Adult Expectations

A conversation with my Mom when I turned 30:

Mom: Well, you're 30 now.

Me: Yep.

Mom: I guess it's time to cut your hair short.

Me: Huh??!!What??!! Why?

Mom: Because you are 30. (thinks a moment, considering things a bit) Well, maybe that was just how it was in my day. When you turned 30 you were supposed to cut your hair short. (throws hands in air a little) It looks fine. I guess you don't need to.

Me: Wow...Good...Wow.

Mom: It is silly, isn't it.

My parents were part of the generation that turned 30 just when baby boomers decided that anyone over 30 should not be trusted. They were the last generation where 30 was "old."

I am glad that a lot of the arbitrary rules of age are falling apart, slowly but surely. The whole "40 is the new 30" and/or "50 is the new 30" is not just baby boomer denial-- it is a mindset that has developed from longer life expectancies and better health care moving the starting point of middle age. Though no ones' years are guaranteed, reaching the age of 80, 90, or even 100 is extremely likely. What a waste of opportunity and life to act like you are 40 and waiting to die (an actual line from a recent Hollywood movie so whiny and bad I blocked the title) when potentially most of your life lies ahead you!

Also, in American society, young adult independence for the middle class seems to have been delayed for some into the late 20s, especially for people attaining advanced degrees or living in areas where finding a place to live on your own can cost a lot of money. Surely you can't be old if you just got your first apartment, bro!

I'm dipping into the 40s, and I will continue to wear longish hair because it suits my face shape. No spiky dikey-do for me. My mom is perfectly fine with this, though she did give me another priceless line reflecting the stereotype for the next decade--"Fat, 40 and flatulent." Erma Bombeck is who we have to thank for that one. I am not sure how prevalent that line got, but it stuck in my mom's mind. That cracks me up.

I am not saying it doesn't suck to get older, but it isn't that bad. I just ran my 4th marathon a few months ago. I will admit it is harder to stay in a size 8 than it used to be, and that is with size inflation. I am not giving up though. I feel sad and miserable when I am overweight. And yeah, there are some days I see myself in a mirror and shudder with horror, because I thought I looked better than that. Overhead florescent lighting is not my friend. And just because there is no justice, I still break out. As for flatulence, well, to quote the seminal children's book title, "everyone farts." It hasn't been a problem yet, pull my finger.

Vanity aside, progressing in age is not as horrible as it was made out to be. I am blessed with some great role models in my life, and I look forward to what is yet to come--even when I get up into the 70s and 80s.

Both my parents and my in-laws are still doing great and each set is steadfastly making their own rules about what "acting their age" is. My in-laws retired almost 19 years ago, and then they got busy. They volunteer, garden on a large scale and travel the world. They are far busier than they were when they were working, and they are a lot of fun to be with. Had they followed their parents' expectations and activities of old age, by age 50 they were supposed to sit around, not exercise, complain a lot and not expect too much. They have been fortunate to be keeping their good health, but a lot of that has to do with a great attitude.

My parents are also keeping good health and great attitudes. They often get mistaken for being a couple decades younger than they are. My dad is still working, and does not tell his co-workers how old he is or how old his kids are--they think he is somewhere in his mid 50s, which would make it so my older brother was fathered sometime when my dad was around 11. My mom retired a few years ago and had a few health issues, but she is a whiz with a computer and recently taught herself web design. She never stops wanting to learn new things.

My voice teacher is in their age range, and she can still hit high Fs on a good day, high Ds with regularity, and she regularly performs operatic works of extreme difficulty while simultaneously playing the accompaniment on piano in house concerts. Hear her at www.myspace.com/psmithskarry.

A recent study mentioned that people with good role models and healthy attitudes towards aging live on average 7 1/2 years longer than those who do not. I cannot remember where I saw this study, and will probably amend this when I find it. Intuitively, it makes sense.